Funny pics, videos and jokes

Texas Abortion Opponents To Cheer Selves Up With Execution

AUSTIN, TX—Following state senator Wendy Davis’ successful filibuster of sweeping abortion restrictions last night, disappointed Texans told reporters they are looking forward to tonight’s scheduled execution of convicted murderer Kimberly McCarthy to cheer them back up. “I was completely devastated after learning that abortion providers throughout the state would remain open, but thankfully, there’s nothing better to lift up our spirits than an old-fashioned execution,” said Fort Worth anti-abortion activist Caroline Hinton, who added that the impending lethal injection of McCarthy was “more than enough” to put a smile back on her face. “And as soon as I remembered that the state of Texas is preparing to take a woman’s life this evening by strapping her onto a gurney and shooting a cocktail of deadly chemicals into her arteries, I just perked right up and put those failed abortion restrictions out of my mind. And it’s our 500th execution, too, so it’s going to be a real celebration! I guess this week won’t turn out all bad after all.” At press time, Hinton reported feeling “even better” after learning that Governor Rick Perry is expected to call a special session to reintroduce the anti-abortion legislation and that political analysts say it will likely pass.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/texas-abortion-opponents-to-cheer-selves-up-with-e,32973/

ilaugh wrote:

Texas Abortion Opponents To Cheer Selves Up With Execution

AUSTIN, TX—Following state senator Wendy Davis’ successful filibuster of sweeping abortion restrictions last night, disappointed Texans told reporters they are looking forward to tonight’s scheduled execution of convicted murderer Kimberly McCarthy to cheer them back up. “I was completely devastated after learning that abortion providers throughout the state would remain open, but thankfully, there’s nothing better to lift up our spirits than an old-fashioned execution,” said Fort Worth anti-abortion activist Caroline Hinton, who added that the impending lethal injection of McCarthy was “more than enough” to put a smile back on her face. “And as soon as I remembered that the state of Texas is preparing to take a woman’s life this evening by strapping her onto a gurney and shooting a cocktail of deadly chemicals into her arteries, I just perked right up and put those failed abortion restrictions out of my mind. And it’s our 500th execution, too, so it’s going to be a real celebration! I guess this week won’t turn out all bad after all.” At press time, Hinton reported feeling “even better” after learning that Governor Rick Perry is expected to call a special session to reintroduce the anti-abortion legislation and that political analysts say it will likely pass.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/texas-abortion-opponents-to-cheer-selves-up-with-e,32973/

Get the hot dogs and lets have a party. Good thing I am for abortion and the death penalty.

Honey Boo Boo's mom is just Kevin from "The Office" in a wig....

don't you hate it when you almost miss the bus?

Halloween prank

Enjoy my friends.

So what is the creepiest thing your child has said? Here are some responses:

13 Creepiest Things

Happy little clouds.

"FIRST REPUBLICAN DEBATE HIGHLIGHTS: 2015"

OMG That is funny

Hey that was posted on the 20-year anniversary of his death. R.I.P. in happy clouds and cool mountains and lush forests, Bob Ross.

Darth SchwarzenVader

Ice Ice Brimley

This song is hilarious!

This makes me miss the 70's.

That is funny as hell.

Transformers cartoon for todays world

Grandma, what was it like getting married?

"I was born back in aught two, that's 19 mind not two thousand, and it was a cold and windy day. Teddy Roosevelt addressed the nation via radio that day...... (3 hours later)..... and my Momma told me if I didn't stop picking my nose I'd never be able to start school.... (2 hours later)..... so there we were in the old Gimbles Department store picking out clothes for my first day of Kindergarten,  it was quite the treat you know, usually we only got new clothes once a year, and those we ordered from the Sears Roebuck & Co. Catalogue, assuming of course Momma didn't just sew them herself from a pattern.... (4 hours later) ....then on the second day of third grade I met this boy wh "Wait Grandma! That was Grandpa right?" Well no honey, I never meet your Grandpa until I was 26. But we'll get there. Anyway on that second day of third grade I was sitting in the school yard singing 'Shine on, Harvest Moon' when that mean ole spinster teacher, Miss Haddley,.......

(10 hour later).... and there I was at 12 have my first visit from Aunt Flo, and of course back then we had to make do with hair tampons. We bought ours on the Cherokee reservation... (3 days later).... I was so depressed. At the advanced age of 15 no one had yet asked for my hand, and all I had in my hope chest anyway was my hand stitched quilt and some cheap costume jewelry. But that wasn't  as important at that point as I thought at the time. Little did I know, I still had eleven years to build my dowry before meeting your Grandpa, let alone getting married.... (2 weeks later).... and I just couldn't believe the speed that car made! Why we were going nearly 40 miles and hour, I'd no idea it was possible for people to go so fast!.... (waking brain coma prevents realizing passage of time or order of events)...

I snuck into my very first Speak Easy! I was amazed they even let jiggaboos in, lovely people they were too.... Sara Sue and I just couldn't get enough of that 'Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens'.... Me? learn to drive a car? What foolishness, women don't belong behind the wheel. Why what if my menses were to come upon me of a sudden while I was flying at breakneck speeds like thirty?..... the war was finally over and I didn't have to paint my nylons on anymore.... and why should a woman shave higher than mid calf anyway? nobody should ever see further up her leg than that, except maybe the doctor. Even your husband should never see that without all the lights out.... and just like that we had cured Polio! What an amazing achievement. Let me back up a few years to tell you about the crippled polio lad I had went to grade school with... Hmmptf!!!! I say, men on the moon my plump derriere. Bad enough they expect us to believe people can actually fly through the skies in metal contraptions, but now they expect us to believe men went to another planet?....  Pshaw, plastic dinnerware indeed! Who'd eat out of that?..... I couldn't believe they replaced the banana cream filling, because of war shortages you know. But they didn't even bring it back afterwards and the Twinkie has never been the same... Most people thought Amelia Earhart was some kind of hero for women, but I just thought she was a hussy. Wearing pants indeed!.... I remember when milk costs 14 cents a quart, eggs were a nickel a dozen and bread cost 9 cents a loaf. Highway robbery if you ask me..... That Steamboat Willie up there on the big screen.... Oh those Buck Rogers cliff hangers!.... of course I was ten, so I wasn't as upset by the sinking of the Titanic as some of the littler kids.... what kind of a bathing suit doesn't cover the knees? Scandalous......

I'd never tasted such a treat! Who'd have thought of frosting corn flakes with sugar? Of course it would have been better if the milk wasn't pasteurized. they claimed it made milk safer to drink, but all I know is it never tasted the same. Why I remember one time when Biff, Clem, Sara Sue and I went tipping cows and..... burning their bras. The little hussies didn't need them anyhow, even with them on their hoohas were right out there for the world to see. Whole generation of girls who suddenly thought it would be fun to emulate those trashy flappers from the 20's. And don't even get me started on.... Six kittens! I couldn't believe my little Fluffer Noodle could have so many at once! No wonder she cried so much during birth, poor thing.... Father said that good girls never went swimming with boys, or even where boys could see them. Go straight to hell if a boy sees you in your wet bloomers... such a lovely church we had back then, although father always said putting a drinking fountain for coloreds inside ruined it. "What was wrong with them drinking out of the horse trough like they'd always done?" he demand of the preacher.... not one person other than Sara Sue ever believed me, not even your Grandpa bless his sole. But I really did see Satan dancing in the ol' orchard with John Lennon.... And that's why just last week after 105 years of friendship I finally told Sara Sue to shove it up her ass! What was you question dear? Oh 'what was it like getting married?' It was ok I guess.

The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.
He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely.

Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall.
All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom.
Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

Okay that's funny.

Yeah, it made me chuckle.

:affraid:
Oh I wish I could unsee this... I wish I could unsee this...

Watched it late last night and couldn't turn it off, wish I did, now I keep seeing Garfield being lifted from the bed with a forklift - revealing the filthy litter box under him - and that man voiced blubber Jessica rabbit, scary. But it was funny too.  Sick funny.

I like their mutant half human half rabbit kid. :albino:

I will have to show my son this. Have not watched it yet.